| (no subject) |
[Jul. 1st, 2009|05:10 pm] |
sometimes it seems a little un-natural that everyone i know seems to be getting married, or having children.
everyone has a significant other. everyone has one of those things.
and it makes me think "whats wrong with me?" why don't i have those things...
and even though i'm halfway around the world, living and enjoying my life, doing things that the above mentioned cannot do, it still makes me a little sad.
where did i go wrong?
but at the same time....fuck it.
maybe i should just completely shut myself off from america. |
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| update |
[Feb. 15th, 2009|11:04 pm] |
things i've been doing..
-reading lots of books
-preparing for a road trip to texas, which begins tomorrow.
i'm kind of in the dark about it, and it's driving me insane
-i bought a new laptop, that i don't know how to use.
technology and myself are not friends
-getting ready to move to korea in a few weeks. i'm scared/excited.
the end |
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| eh...it's christmas |
[Dec. 7th, 2008|03:08 pm] |
i've always tried to live by the phrase of don't let contentment be confused for happiness.
well, karma truly is a bitch and contentment just bit me on the ass...
it's christmas.
i just lost my job.
i can't afford my bills.
i can't seem to find another one...
all of the job opportunities that came my way this past year
that i turned down because i was CONTENT! where i was..
which was..being able to pay the bills, have a flexible schedule which allowed for fun..
and now..well, i just feel like an idiot.
i've been applying to jobs like crazy..
real jobs, you know the 9-5 ones
and i also applied for a server job here in town due to an ad in the paper
i just need to do something to make some money..
i'm trying to gather things that i can sell/melt/pawn for cash
to make up the $400 i need by the 19th.
my family is being completely awesome and paying one of my
big bills for me but told me that theres no way they could pay
their bills and mine..
which i would not expect them to.
---
in other news,
i met someone.
someone kind of cool.
good head on his shoulders,
smart, ambitious...
and lives an hour away..
and i've discovered a love for drag shows.
$2 to get in, drinks are not completely necessary
especially not for a $4 bottle of beer..
but the queens are fabulous!
and i've truly enjoyed myself there.. |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 26th, 2008|01:44 pm] |
hello all.
in an attempt to figure out my life,
i applied for a teaching job in China.
CHINA!!
and they emailed me back today with a few
questions, well two actually.
it's taking me forever to answer them because
i want it to be perfect.
so here are the questions..
how would YOU answer them...about yourselves.
i don't feel comfortable talking about myself like that
although i need to get over it and get this dang job!
1) What is it that interests you about moving overseas to take on a teaching position? 2) What skills do you possess that will help you effectively motivate both primary and secondary school students?
I need to do laundry, smoke a lot of cigarettes and just think...
CHINA!!
by the way, i'm totally excited about this..
----
EDIT!
i sent my answers, and I think that their pretty awesome. |
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| anger. |
[Jun. 24th, 2008|11:23 pm] |
i had something i wanted to write but instead i'm arguing with my father about..
whether people are black, african american, or N******.
you get the point. why is that EVEN relevent. he keeps referring to them as "blacks".
why? i don't understand why he cares so much.
if i wanted to be called honky it's my perogative...
that is totally not what i wanted to talk about though...
WHY! does that piss me off so much?
----
something else that pisses me off!
how come every goddamn time that i log into facebook/myspace i see pictures of
girls in their goddamned wedding dresses.
why are these girls married? why did they want to get married?
am i bitter because i'm single or because i have a little more common sense.
ps. i am bitter because i'm single. i feel like i'm the last single person out there.
even people i know, are married and say they didn't even like the idea, it just seemed
like the right thing to do...
do i have a sign on my head that says "undateable, please do not pursue?"
why am i waiting tables and not actively pursuing a "real" job.
why am i convincing myself that a "real" job is what i need right now.
why am i not trying to fulfill my list of goals, and instead sitting on my ass complaining
about how fucking bored i am.
i thought this summer was going to be fucking great, and it still has fucking potential
but GODDAMN!! i am fucking fed up.
mostly with myself.
i've grown CONTENT! the worst of all sins (if you believe in such a thing...of course
conversation for later)..
why am i so angry/bitter/cynical/horrible...
--
sorry, i should probably call it a night. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 25th, 2008|10:16 am] |
i'm flying to boston today
nates meeting me at the airport
or outside of boston
whichever is more convenient
we're headed to cape cod and
then i'll hopefully be able to go to
maine for a few days.
i've never been to that area of the
states, save for NYC but that doesn't
count.
i want to see the coast and wear sweaters.
see you next week. |
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| imagine if you will... |
[Apr. 30th, 2008|12:30 am] |
| [ | how i'm feelin' |
| |  a little | ] |
what it would be like to fuck this guy..
i mean...ugh. this is so disgusting..
how did he get his panties on?
his breasts are huge.
i'm asking this question but realize
that he probably spends 24 hours working
out and doesn't have time for sex.
what would you hold on to?
so gross. |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 3rd, 2008|01:32 pm] |
i have an interview soon.
their calling to set up times on the 8th.
meaning, there are several people
applying for the position.
the one where i have zero experience
with. and a horrible job market means
that i probably don't stand a chance.
regardless.
it is not in atlanta like i hoped that it
would be, but i'm chalking it all up
to experience.
perhaps soon, the state will be
issuing me a gun. i might be a
parole officer.
cross your fingers kids!!
i need a REAL job. i can't pay my bills! |
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| life |
[Feb. 5th, 2008|03:45 pm] |
work wise.
things i never thought that i'd be doing..i'm doing.
things i thought i would be doing seem impossible.
so far for 2008..
prek teacher
server
testing for parole officer thursday.
but i kind of like serving.
it's nice having cash in your pocket
crazy. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 24th, 2008|02:11 pm] |
the future is so uncertain!
i want to move to atlanta
i want to be a parole officer
i want to join the peace corps
i want to be in a motorcycle gang and travel the US
what do i do?! |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 16th, 2008|04:41 pm] |
it's snowing!
it never snows here!
doubt it'll stick but still
i've been outside playing in it with george
i'm so excited about this.
hope we get more.
i can just imagine everyone
running to the store right now
grabbing ALL of the milk, beer,
and bread
people freak out here like that.
schools will probably be cancelled
tommorrow. ridiculous.
but still!! SNOW!!! |
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| my ode to kids stop... |
[Jan. 15th, 2008|04:15 pm] |
cause i'm about to start drawing...
that YOU are now...
for me to have..
which means that i get to..
--
i hope i hear from the parole testing soon.
this whole staying home thing is boring.
this couldn't have come at a worse time..
damn writers strike..theres nothing on TV! |
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| new glasses, new year |
[Jan. 5th, 2008|06:23 pm] |
2007 was the worst year of my life,
well it ranked in the top two; see also: 2003
usually i made resolutions as a joke and this
year i didn't make a silly one like
1. stop smoking
2. stop gaining weight
3. eat healthier
instead my simple new years resolution was to
make 2008 as fantastic as possible. i know i have
it in me.
--
never one to take church signs seriously, there is one
church by my house that i always look forward to seeing
what their sign has to say and one of them stuck with me
'most people are about as happy as they make up their
minds to be'
it sounds crazy enough to just maybe work.
i think i'll give it a try.
my happiness and my sanity rely on me getting OUT of
ROME! i have to and i'm working on it. maybe in a few
months. |
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| christmas |
[Dec. 23rd, 2007|07:19 pm] |
we opened gifts tonight with the family due to work schedules and whatnot.
got some pretty neat stuff. at the top of this list is probably the free vacation.
well, kind of.
my parents are letting me go wherever i want to for vacation (in the US) and
all i have to do is cover my flight and money when i get there. not too bad of a
deal.
regardless, i have already chosen my destination. all of the places that i wanted
to go to would be places that would be better if it were a bit chilly and chances are
i will be taking this vacation in the summer months. i really wanted to go to a city
and most of the places to choose from were more family oriented.
that said.
i'm going to san diego.
alone.
in may.
happy 24th birthday to me.
i will be leaving a few days after school gets out
assuming i still have that job.
regardless.
i'm taking a grown up vacation alone.
just the way i want it.
i'm totally excited about this. |
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| last night i had a really disconcerting dream involving... |
[Dec. 21st, 2007|01:20 pm] |
jane fonda and a girl i went to high school with who was really nice.
so somehow or another i find out that jane fonda is running a concentration camp for americans
i was riding my bicycle around this really nice downtown when i find out the news, apparently at
whatever costs i needed to avoid this one area. that is when i noticed cori c. following me
around on her bike. i decided to make a run for it, making random turn after random turn, and going
up these really strenuous hills. i finally see a little parking lot off to the left and decide to pull over and
hide. for some reason cori kept following me so i'm running around these cars. finally she sees me
and i have to give up.
she walks me to a bus that is covered in razor wire and we wait for it to fill up. finally, we are on our
way. i began seeing rows upon rows of razor wire outside the window (apparently we had turned into
the concentration camp driveway) and i remember seeing little bunk houses everywhere and guard
shacks. we get out and it's a blur after that..BUT i do remember some of us wanting to go and get some
food so they took us to this place that looked like McDonalds but no one was working there. After standing
around for a few minutes some guy came over a loud speaker and told us that if we wanted food we
had to go make it ourselves. We started to go to the back and opened a door that led to a hallway full of
people who were also apparently waiting for food. Through glass windows we could see a large office
where everyone was very jovial and had purple and blue phones that they kept playing with.
Back at the bunkhouse there were just rows upon rows of bunkbeds. The same guy came over the loudspeaker
and told everyone to get undressed and stand beside their bunks that we were all going to come and get searched.
by undressed that meant (nekkid). For some reason this one guy got undressed but left on this boxers and tied
his shirt into something like a halter top. He got in trouble for it.
Details Hazy but I do remember being released after a weekend because apparently jane fonda only locks
people up for weekends at a time.
this is perhaps the strangest dream i've ever had. |
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| the significance of boxes |
[Dec. 2nd, 2007|09:53 pm] |
sometimes life hands you a lemon and as the wise man says, you should probably make some lemonade.
that is a choice. sometimes you want something a little more spicy, perhaps you'd enjoy a bit of lemon in your hot toddy. or perhaps, you would like to have a panic attack.
the choice is yours to make. sometimes these choices are out of our control. sometimes you simply need to have a panic attack. i think that it helps to put things into perspective. just a bit.
as for the box reference. sometimes you simply need a little pick me up, perhaps someone made lemonade for you. truly kind. and those moments are the ones that you choose to remember. you don't want to remember having a panic attack because those moments are the ones that keep you feeling down. you choose to remember the moments where someone reached out their hand, or their arms, or as bougsois would say their big dick. whichever you prefer those moments you keep stored. you hide them because they are your prized possessions that you have every right to be selfish about.
well as you may have guessed, i had one of those today. and that is really all i wanted to say. so, thanks. it's tucked away for me to pick up and remember from time to time when i don't feel like making lemonade for myself. |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 28th, 2007|02:21 pm] |
just bought my Hank III ticket.
i finally get to see him live, with all of my friends.
next weekend will be another long one.
thursday go to atlanta for said concert.
get up early and go play with hellacious 4 year olds.
then after work leave to go to helen with
ram sam sam's family for a fishing trip.
i tell myself i want to save money but then
i manage to disappear every weekend.
also..i'm looking for a job in atlanta. any tips
or heads up would be appreciated.
thanks! |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 6th, 2007|02:13 pm] |
i feel like i'm going insane
getting steady paychecks makes me feel better
but now having real bills, that i've never had before
makes me feel really poor.
i've never been money hungry and now i feel
like i can't have enough. i'm looking for a new
job, either part time to go to after real work
or another full time job.
just to have money, which i don't really need.
maybe i'm just having a premonition about the
upcoming apocolypse/bird flu/whatever other
reason why you might need money situation.
i feel greedy and dirty.
regardless, off to a bachlorette party where
we will get drunk and watch porn. |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 24th, 2007|07:32 pm] |
i miss college which is pointless seeing as how it wouldn't be the same anyway.
i'll be back in statesboro this weekend.
this weekend was crazy and more than i expected.
fun was had which is what i needed.
perhaps i should start drinking in the morning more often.
also, atl people,
www.atlantahorrorfest.com
check it out. |
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